“Most books on marriage offer insights and help to common marital problems such as the traditional conflicts around sex, money, children, time, and in-laws. They offer credible solutions such as conflict management, improved communication, and problem solving skills.
“This book is different. For some couples these problems are exacerbated by the often unnoticed presence of a particular neural wiring in the brain, called Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, that makes traditional solutions ineffective. This book describes ADHD in detail and with empathy and helps couples with this added challenge find hope and solutions.
“I recommend it highly to all couples whose troubles seem incomprehensible, and for all couples therapists it should be required reading to help them distinguish between ordinary conflict and the roller coaster effect of this syndrome.”
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and codeveloper of Imago Relationship Therapy
“In this lucid, provocative, and authoritative book, Gina Pera lets the reader know, at a visceral level, what it’s like to be the partner of an adult with ADHD. Alternately humorous and deadly serious, the book is deeply empathic with the experience of such partners.
“Along the way, Pera provides important information about ADHD’s causes and treatments and provides empowerment to those who have for too long been blamed for the relationship issues engendered by ADHD. By showing the reality of ADHD in relation to those who must live with its consequences every day, she provides a message of real hope.”
—Stephen Hinshaw, Ph.D., ADHD research scientist, Professor and Chair, Department of Psychology, University of California, Berkeley, and author of The Mark of Shame: Stigma of Mental Illness and an Agenda for Change
“Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life.”
—Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Healing ADD and Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
“Wow! What a roller coaster ride. Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? contains information that is just not available anywhere else. This book is sure to become the authoritative guide for couples dealing with ADHD and the baggage that accompanies it. Packed with information, but not overwhelming, it is a unique and valuable resource.”
—Patricia O. Quinn, M.D., Cofounder and Director, The National Center for Girls and Women with ADHD, and co-author of Gender Issues and ADHD: Research, Diagnosis, and Treatment
“Gina Pera has written a stunning book that should be a ‘must-read’ for all couples where one or both partners have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Combining her own experiences, a thoughtful synthesis of the clinical and research literature, and a creative study of her own design, she has grasped the complex ways in which ADHD affects relationships and has translated her comprehensive expertise into a highly readable and extraordinarily helpful guide.
“Her prose is extremely effective, at times funny and at other times poignant, and her ability to capture the subtle dynamics of partnerships affected by ADHD is nothing short of extraordinary.
“What is particularly stunning about her achievement is the way Ms. Pera has captured the intricacy of ADHD, including its far-reaching effects on executive function and emotional regulation. Equally impressive is her talent for framing the issues in comprehensible language, with answers to frequently asked questions, quotes from partners with and without ADHD, and snippets of dialogues that are completely genuine. Best of all, this book offers hope and guidance to the millions of adults whose lives have been challenged by ADHD, by providing clear and useful ideas and a richly elaborated framework for addressing the myriad stresses that ADHD imposes upon intimacy and friendship.
“Kudos and thanks to Ms. Pera! I will make this book required reading for all my patients. It is nothing short of a tour de force!”
—Anthony L. Rostain, M.D., M.A., Medical Director, University of Pennsylvania Adult ADHD Treatment and Research Program; Professor of Psychiatry and Pediatrics, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. co-author of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Adult ADHD: An Integrative Psychosocial and Medical Approach
“My first response to the publication of Gina’s book was ‘At last! Something for the significant other!’ You hate to use the cliche ‘long overdue’ but as a physician who treats dozens of patients with ADD and ADHD, there’s just been nothing available until now. Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? lives up to all expectations, and I can safely predict it will become as much an industry standard as Driven to Distraction. As a father of a son with ADD and husband to a wife with ADD, I can professionally and personally attest to the value of Gina’s important new book.”
—David Edelberg, M.D. Medical Director, WholeHealth Chicago, and author of The Triple Whammy Cure: The Breakthrough Women’s Health Program
“While there is increasing awareness of how common and difficult ADHD can be, there are no resources available to help explain the nature of ADHD to those who live closest to it in adulthood: the spouse. Gina Pera has combined a real feel for the disorder with sound reporting skills and the spice of those who tell the story best: the couples themselves. This is a book based on science, but it captures the art of helping couples cope with and move beyond the challenges that ADHD creates.”
—Margaret D. Weiss, M.D., Ph.D., Director of Research, Division of Child Psychiatry, University of British Columbia and Head, Provincial ADHD Program, British Columbia, Canada
“Even today, people often surprisingly ask, ‘Do you believe in Adult ADHD?’ Confirmatory brain neuroscience answers this speculation about Adult ADHD: It’s a real problem with real and painful challenges, not a belief system. And nowhere is Adult ADHD more evident and more fully identifiable than in our most important, valued relationships. In any longterm relationship, with increasing exposure over time, ADHD patterns endure unabated. They grind partners into a thin paste.
“The reason it took so long to recognize Adult ADHD is simple: Its expression is cunning and well rationalized. With Gina Pera’s help, the subtlety of recognizing and the complexity of intervening in these puzzling ADHD predicaments are refreshingly simplified. Gina translates big questions into useful, practical, and understandable answers. She provides not only a good starting place for the ADHD discussion but also a detailed follow-through for the real recovery process.”
—Charles Parker, D.O., Medical Director, CorePsych, and author ofDeep Recovery
“For many people, having a spouse or partner with Attention Deficit Disorder and its attendant conditions means dealing with painful, disastrous, and heartbreaking issues—financial catastrophes, verbal and even physical abuse, substance addiction, and others. The spouse often feels overwhelmed, isolated, and desperate while struggling in a swirl of chaos. Most books completely ignore the more serious issues that this condition, when left untreated, can create for couples and families. Even health care providers sometimes have no understanding of it.
“Many people have been in relationships for 20 or 30 years, never knowing why their lives are so different from other couples’, loving their partners but living lives of chronic frustration and emotional abandonment.
“As co-moderators for almost 10 years of an online support group, we’ve seen our members grapple with these painful issues, with nowhere to turn for advice, help, and hope except to each other. We’ve seen this book emerge from the group’s plea for a resource that addresses their needs.
“Gina Pera has completed a monumental undertaking in blending our stories with the latest medical advisories on treating ADHD and its coexisting conditions. Real answers on the painful realities. We expect this book will be the bible for all of us dealing with adult ADHD.”
—Elizabeth Weathers and Diane Hartson, Co-moderators, ADD Spouse support group
“As any partner of an adult with ADHD can attest, research clearly shows ADHD’s pervasive effects on a person’s ability to manage life’s many demands. This often leaves the partner to pick up the pieces, despite the ADHD person’s seemingly good intentions.
“When an adult has ADHD, his or her romantic partner ‘has’ it, too. Alternately confused, optimistic, and resentful, the partner rides a roller coaster as he or she tries to understand why the relationship seems so unbalanced. Gina Pera has been there and has authored a guide that offers understanding for the confused, practical strategies for the frustrated, and hope for the despondent.
“This book will be a lifesaver for both partners as they strive to create a more satisfying relationship and a happier, more productive life together.”
—Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., M.B.A., author of Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD: A Practical, Easy-to-Use Guide for Clinicians
“For all the couples who are struggling with ADHD in their relationship, Gina Pera has written a wonderful guide to help you navigate these treacherous marital waters. Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? has the unique distinction of including the perspective of the partner without ADHD, which has been neglected for far too many years. The book is well researched, reader friendly, and includes insights and perspectives from a Who’s Who of professionals in the field. For couples struggling with ADHD, it’s the season’s new must-have book and bound to become a classic.”
—Michele Novotni, Ph.D., psychologist, coach, and author of What Does Everyone Else Know that I Don’t? and Social Success